Will it be Miliband? But which Miliband? Will it be Ed? But which Ed? Is there a cute one? What about the Black one? Who is playing Sporty Spice ?
This is the quiz that will help.
Each candidate starts with one thousand points-1000. As we don’t supply the answers you may need to use Google search in your quest but persevere, please.
This is a scientifically designed test that will calm your nerves and ensure you make the right decision.
| The question | The Result |
| Does this candidate habitually use the terms "Comrades" or are we all "Colleagues and Friends"? | Deduct 100 points if there are no comrades. We are not at a business converntion. We are engage in a great historal undertaking . |
| Does the candidate have a public school education or have they sent their kids to public school? | Deduct 100 points for own education or 200 if kids went. Sending kids implies a contempt for public services |
| Was the candidate caught up in the Great Expenses Scandal? | Deduct 50 points for every offence. The public may forget, but the lapse in judgement is serious. How can anyone defend the rake off? |
| Are words like "immigration" and " asylum-seekers" a feature of their manifesto? | Deduct 100 points. We know what this is about. |
| Do they use the words " decent working families " in any combination feature? | Deduct 100 points for "decent". What would be indecent? Deduct 200 for "working" why stigmatise the unemployed? Delete 100 for "families"-we don’t all live in nuclear family boxes Repeat use of the combined term- further 500 points deduction. |
| How often is the word "choice" involved? | 100 points for every mention. "Choice" is for consumers choosing cookers . Politics is not. It is for using the state to the best end for all its citizens . |
| How often is the word "fairness" used? | 100 points again lost. The Labour Party is about justice and challenging inequality- " Fairness" is guaranteed by a referee, and we don’t have one |
| Does the word " freedom" ? appear. | Context is all. Is that "Freedom from…" as in freedom from poverty , freedom from inequality, freedom from injustice? Score 500 for each. If its freedom to exploit , freedom for the market, make huge bonuses , deduct 500 points for each |
| Finally is the candidate totally signed up to the UNISON Alternative Manifesto ? | Deduct 500 points if they are not- add 1000 if they are . If they are not prepared to promise a new beginning, why vote for them? |
Any candidate with a positive score by the end may be worth a vote. You can in addition check their voting record on the "Ask Aristotle" section of the Guardian website. Good Luck and remember, a Labour Leader isn’t just for Conference.
